Insanity on the Set, Please
by NachoManLance
Summary: SI: Keitaro is assigned a project and produces a movie starring the tenants of Hinata Sou. But will the movie not even qualify for America's Funniest? R/R please!
1. Building the Props

Insanity on the Set, Please by NachoManLance

Disclaimer: Love Hina is owned by Ken Akamatsu,.....lucky bastard.

This is an original fic that took me about a couple of days to brainstorm. It may not be worth the read, mostly because it's a self-insert, but thats just for you, the reader, to decide. It's basically the Love Hina cast trying to shoot a movie directed by Keitaro, but knowing how crazy these group of characters may be when put in the same room, it is with caution that you are in a lightened mood and be ready for laughs. Otherwise, there will be pink, carnivorous sheep haunting your pancreas. Enjoy!

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Chapter 1: Building the Props

"I'm home!" 

Keitaro walked inside the Hinata Sou one evening, beaming with joy. Shinobu and Motoko came running from the kitchen, and Su just jumped down from the top of the stairs. Talon had appeared out of nowhere in his weretiger form, dropping from the ceiling and making a ten-point landing on the floor. "What's all the commotion, ya'll?" Kitsune walked in from the living room, looking like she just woke up from a nice sleep. Mutsumi walked down from upstairs, "Ara ara, hi Keitaro!" Lance came in last from the kitchen, still holding a small tray of nachos in his hand (and mouth).

"It's a project I'm sure to ace," said Keitaro, still smiling, "I have to produce and direct a movie for my Media Arts class, and I've made my story line already and I'm starring all of you in it!"

"Thats wonderful Keitaro!" Kitsune cheered.

"Fsweet dude! I alwayfs wanted to be in a moffvie!" Lance spoke with his mouth full.

"Nasty, dude.." Talon brushed off some of his nacho bits, "But thats cool Keitaro, when do we begin?"

"You're really gonna put me in it, sempai?" Shinobu looked more than happy.

"Well, I suppose so,.." Motoko looked her usual, uninterested self.

"What's a Media Art? Is that a food group?" Su jumped on Keitaro.

Suddenly Naru popped up from around the hall looking pleased, "I heard all that Keitaro and I'm surprised that you finally have something good to do in school. So what's the movie about?"

Keitaro looked as though he was waiting for that question, "Well, it's about this kingdom called Hinatalot, and the princess, played by Naru-"

His story was cut extremely short due to the Talon and Lance's outbursts of protest.

"WHAT?! Naru, a princess? What a load of BS!"

"Why couldn't you make her the bitchy peasant she desrves to-"

They too were cut short of their yelling. For seconds later, guilty for not realizing that she was in the same room, Naru had implanted a fist-full of rage upside their heads and out of the house. Moments after landing from the Earth's Orbit, Talon and Lance got their scolding they oh-so deserve from the princess herself. 

"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT I WAS IN THE SAME ROOM YOU KNOW!!!!"

"Please, just let me finish!" Keitaro pleaded. He sighed a heavy sigh and went on, "Anyway, the princess and her two hand maidens, Shinobu and Kitsune, are kidnapped by the evil sorcerer Lancelot-" He was once again interrupted, this time by Lance (with a bruise bulging at every word). 

"WHAT?! I'm the bad guy?! No way man, no way!"

"You have to, or else you can't be in it at all and my project is ruined!" Keitaro yelled back, "Besides, I'm offering you a month long of free Mexican food for your-" He was stopped again by Lance, who gave him a "Su Style" kick to the head. 

"Yes! Thats what I'm talking about, I'm in!"

Su crept over to Lance and whispered in his ear, "Not bad at all, you've been practicing...."

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NEXT TIME: The movie is ready to go and filming starts! But how will the first chapter turn out?....


	2. Scene 1, Take 22, Action!

Insanity on the Set, Please by NachoManLance

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, Ken Akamatsu does...... lucky bastard.

Note: So, we finally approach chapter two, which kicks off the plot of this oh-so random story. Hope you enjoy it!

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Chapter Two: Marker, Scene 01, Take 261,....Action!

Day 1

"Alright everyone, are we ready for our first shoot?"

It was the next morning, and Keitaro had already prepared himself in the setting of the first scene: the Hot Spring. He sat in his own special director's chair, holding a megaphone, wearing sunglasses, and a trench coat. The camera was set up in front of him, ready to go. Unfortunetly, the cast wasn't.

"Aw man, why did the costume have to come with a beard?" Lance complained to Talon, "I hate facial hair."

"I have to live with having hair in 99.4 percent of my body, do you think I'm living in a cruise here?"

"Don't make me ask what 6 percent of your body doesn't have hair."

"You just did."

"DAMN!"

Keitaro sighed, "C'mon everyone, let's get ready." He motioned over to Talon, "Talon, is there any way possible you could change back to your weretiger form?"

Talon shook his head, "Sorry dude, I can't control it. I change only every few days at a time, or if Naru is hunting for my blood in a more than menacing way." Hearing this, Keitaro got an idea.

"Hey Naru, come here for a second."

Naru came over to Keitaro and bent down as he whispered something in her ear. Soon, Naru was flamed with anger and revenge, running with fiery eyes at Talon. "YOU PERV I'M SO GOING TO HURT YOUUU!!!!!!!"

Remarkably, before Talon could think of what to do, was forced to get chased around the set with Naru after him, growling and screaming in rage. As he ran, he slipped across the wet floor and fell into the hot spring. Noticing his weakness, Naru plunged into the water after him and continuously slapped, bashed, whacked, whatever you could think of. Soon she came out with a loud "Hmpf." and left to the dressing room to change to a dryer costume. Talon, coming out in his human form, glanced and angry glare at Keitaro. "What... did.... you.... tell.... her?

"I told her that you read her last diary entry, which consisted of a list of reasons why she had to go shop for lingerie with her mother because she felt alone."

Talon gave him a blank look, "She shops with her mother for lingerie?"

"Just get dried up and be back here in five minutes Talon, I'll get everyone else situated." Talon shrugged and did as he was instructed. Keitaro, raising his megaphone to his mouth, called out, "Su, have you gotten everything ready?"

Su peered out from the top of the microphone box with her usual cheery face, "All set and ready to go!"

"Lance, Shinobu, Kitsune, you all good?"

"Ready!" they said in unison.

"Talon, Naru, you both get back? Okay, I think we're ready!"

Keitaro flipped a switch and the backdrop scrolled down, viewing the scenery of a lush grassland, full of hills and trees, and a large, elegant castle in the far back. He took the lens off the camera and started recording. Su came in focus, carrying one of those movie marker thingies.

"Scene 1, Take 1, Marker!" She snapped closed the thingie and left from view.

"Action!" Keitaro shouted.

Naru, dressed in an elegant gown, walked into view. Kitsune and Shinobu, as her hand-maidens, held the hem of her dress and followed after her. Dramatically, Naru said her line, 

"Oh, tis a wonderful day to hunt down perverts!"

"CUT! Naru, that wasn't in the script!"

Naru gave him a blank look, "It wasn't? I couldn't tell..."

Rubbing his temples, Keitaro called out to Su, "Let's take it back from the top."

"Scene 1, Take 1, Marker!"

"Action!"

Naru and her two hand-maidens came back out and stepped into view.

"Oh, tis a wonderful day, isn't it hand-maiden Shinobu?"

"Oh yes, it's very nice outside Princess Naru!"

"And you, hand-maiden Kitsune?"

"It's sure pretty out, ya'll!"

"CUT!" Keitaro shouted, "Kitsune, you don't say 'ya'll' in the movie."

Kitsune looked offended, "Why, that's just ridiculous! I don't see any reason not to at all."

Keitaro heaved another heavy sigh, "All right fine, let's move on from there, action!"

Lance jumped into the scene, wearing his costume consisting of a half-mask like in Phantom of the Opera, a fake beard, a heavy robe, and a hood over his head. He un-sheathed his sword and pointed it at Naru.

"A-HA! I have you now, Princess!"

"CUT!!!!" Keitaro was very irritated, "Lance, you weren't supposed to come in yet!"

Lance look puzzled and lowered his fake sword, "I don't?"

Keitaro gripped his megaphone hard, "No you weren't! You come in when Naru says her line, 'Here comes Talon the Brave'!"

"Like I'll believe that..." Lance sheathed his fake sword and walked off-stage.

"Look people," Keitaro said calmly, "Let's just try to get this done with, no more goofing off."

At that moment, Talon came back with Kentaro closely behind him, looking around the set with a disgusted look.

"Uhm, Keitaro man," said Talon, "Kentaro just stopped by, said he wanted to see our movie."

Keitaro looked ready to blow up, "WE don't allow visitors on the set, Talon." he said through his gritted teeth.

"No no no no, this is repulsive." Kentaro said, observing the set with his disgusted look, "This certainly cannot do, my friend. I'm sure you could do better."

"Look Kentaro, we're really in the middle of an important project I have to finish here, would you mind leaving?!" Keitaro stood from his chair, looking more than pleased to shut his mouth.

Kentaro smiled, "I would suggest you let me stay Ol' chap, with my wonderful talent in art I can change this excuse for a home video to a masterpiece!"

Shinobu frowned, "I guess I'll go and make some extra buffet food for our,...guest." she walked off inside and toward the kitchen. Talon reluctantly followed her, "Don't worry Shinobu, I'll help you."

Naru scoffed and muttered in a sarcastic tone, "Oh look, there goes Talon the Brave."

"A-HA! I have you now, Princess!"

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NEXT TIME: Well, so far things are off to a bad start, but what happens when Kentaro joins the fray? And Haitani and Shirai help out as well, but how could this movie get any worse?.....


	3. Too Much Help

Insanity on the Set, Please by NachoManLance

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, lucky-dude Akamatsu does,.....God, how I envy him.....

Note: Well, got some positives, got some flames, no worries. Trouble is they keep reviewing my first fic, when that was done two months ago. Can we move on people? I mean I know it sucked, it my first fic and I never saw or read Love Hina! I mean, it's crap! Now is different, I actually own two LH DVD's. Nothing to be particulary proud of, but.....enough of the rambling, I'll get this shindig going.

Side-note to Talon: You somewhat proved a point,....all right. You have been promoted to Lord. But giving Kentaro hell.....*chuckle* just read on.......

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Chapter Three: Too Much Help

An hour later, the cast had taken a break of rehearsing and retreated to the kitchen where Shinobu and Talon had set up the buffet. They ate to their enjoyment and each was in deep conversation with the other. 

"Say Naru, don't you ever cut your hair?" Kitsune asked from across the table.

"What? I just trimmed it a couple days ago..."

"What I'm saying is, you look better with shorter hair and maybe it'll fit for your part!"

At that point Naru stood and towered over Kitsune in a frightening manner,

"I WILL NOT CUT MY HAIR JUST FOR A STUPID MOVIE!!!" Naru stopped suddenly and looked at the silenced crowd around her. She blushed at Keitaro, knowing he would take that rather harshly.

"Not saying it's a bad thing....."

The crowd remained silent for a few seconds, and continued their conversations like it never happened. 

"I hear Sarah might be here in a couple days, maybe she could be in the video!" Su told Shinobu, who sat next to her.

"It's really up to Sempai, he's doing the movie." said Shinobu.

"Yeah thats true, but the video wasn't the only reason why I'm anxious for her to be here."

"What is it then?"

"......You'll find out later."

Meanwhile, the boys (Lance, Talon and Keitaro) were all discussing possible ways to get rid of Kentaro.

"How did professional actors get rid of their directors?" Keitaro asked them.

"They sue," said Talon, "But we won't stand a single chance against Kentaro in that field."

"There's got to be some other way," Lance added, "Maybe by force?"

"The only way I see it is having Naru provoke him in a," Talon emphasized, " 'Kentaro-way'. But if we even try that Naru will send us to Mars and back."

"There is only one other way," said Keitaro, now whispering to the two, "But it will be tricky..."

After whispering his plan, Talon and Lance grinned in an almost evil way. "You are clever, my friend." Talon praised him. "I second that!" Lance agreed.

"Should we call them now?" Talon asked.

"That would be better if we do, I'll call them now." Keitaro stood from the table and left to the phone.

***

Another hour later, the work had started again and Kentaro had taken command. 

"You over there," he pointed to Su, "Get these contraptions out of here and bring in some REAL equipment."

"Big meanie,...wait until Sarah gets over here." Su muttered under her breath.

Kentaro grabbed the megaphone and yelled at Talon, "You boy! Put on a better knight costume, with those rags on you'll wreck the camera!"

"WHAT WAS THAT?!?!" Talon glared at him angrily and made a mad lunge at him, it took Lance, Keitaro, Naru and Motoko just to hold him back.

"You just wait Kentaro, I'm going to make you miserable for this!" Talon struggled with his detainees, trying desperatley to be within htting reach of Kentaro.

"You know I could get you out of the picture with a snap of my fingers foolish one, so don't test me." Kentaro still had that sickening smile that always ticked everyone off.

"What are you talking about?!" Talon kept yelling, "This is Keitaro's movie, you stay out of it!"

"Tsk tsk tsk," Kentaro shook his head, still smiling. "I cannot allow this on my set. Escort this boy out of here."

At this point everyone had enough.

"You got to be kidding me!" Kitsune gasped.

"You little bastard, you know thats not fair!" Lance held up his fist in a threatening way.

Kentaro still smiled, "Fine then. You can both be left out as well."

Before anyone could get the chance to say a word, they heard the door slide open and close. Everyone looked up to see the two masters of prankery, Haitani and Shirai. They saw Kentaro, and instantly smiled.

"Well well, look who it is!" Haitani shouted, "Kentaro, the greatest movie director ever lived!"

"And his infamous cast!" Shirai added.

"We'll be happy to help you in any way, Sir Kentaro." They both bowed before Kentaro, who couldn't stop smiling. Kentaro forced a small chuckle,

"You boys would only make this picture worse. Get out before I call security."

"You don't have a security team!" Motoko yelled at him.

"Good point,...alright you two, you are hired as my security." Kentaro took out two badges that said 'Security' and gave them to Haitani and Shirai.

"Now, take these three out of here, and make sure they don't return." He gestured at Talon, Lance and Kitsune.

"Yes sir Kentaro sir!" they both cried in unison. With some slight trouble, they managed to take the three as far as the front steps.

"You traitors! You will pay for this!" Lance shouted at them.

"See you later, alligators!" Shirai opened the door, and then closed it loud.

After a few seconds of silence, all of the boys started laughing and had a hard time stopping.

"That was great acting, guys!" Talon choked out.

"Yeah, you should audition!" Lance exclaimed.

"Whats the matter with ya'll?" Kitsune asked, very confused.

"Keitaro called us up to help you guys get rid of Kentaro." Haitani managed to calm down. Except for Shirai, who kept laughing.

"Yeah, they're gonna make the film worse instead of having it his way." Talon added.

"How do ya'll plan on doing that?" 

"You'll just have to-" Haitani had to stop to shut up Shirai, whose laughing was starting to irritate him.

***

Soon afterwords, Kentaro held his megaphone, ready to yell at someone. Haitani held the microphone while Shirai managed the camera. Keitaro was left to take care of raising the backdrop. Kentaro stood from the directors chair and yelled, 

"Action!"

The scene of a happy grassland with lush plants and hills focussed, and Shinobu walked in front. She blushed in embarrassment as she said her first line,

"I wonder if Bunny Froofy will be here today.."

Just then Motoko in a large bunny suit 'hopped' on stage, looking like she would do anything to kill Kentaro and his wicked smile. With a droning voice, she said to Shinobu,

"I'm here Little Shinobu, let me spread my magic and make your life the most harmonious and joyful of all the little children of the world." Motoko took out a handfull of confetti out of a basket, and threw it over Shinobu.

"There, now we can all live happily ever after."

"CUT!!! That was wonderful girls, masterpiece!" Kentaro was streaming with pride.

Haitani tapped Shirai's shouldar, "Now." he whispered to him.

Shirai nodded, and dug his hand into his pocket. He took out two small bags, which were labeled 'Imported Himilayan Stink Bombs' and crept toward Kentaro stealthly.

"Masterpiece I tell you, you two were magnificant!" Kentaro was still praising their work.

Shinobu and Motoko noticed Shirai suspiciously walking toward Kentaro, and knowing Shirai, they figured that he was going to do something to Kentaro. So then they found a way to distract him.

"Oh please Kentaro-san, you flatter us." said Shinobu, pretending to blush.

"Yes, " said Motoko, "Certainly you don't think we're all that!"

"But I most certainly-WAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!" At that moment the stink bombs were let loose, and Kentaro was targeted 100% accurately. With a sob and clutching his nose, Kentaro ran out of the building, all the time screaming "DADDY!!!!DADDYYYYY!!!!!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, " Shirai shouted, "Kentaro has left the building!"

The cast cheered and whistled in appraisal, and the three fired actors were now back in business and ready to film.

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Yes, I'm kinda disappointed in this chapter. It was really stupid and it really didn't ake any fit with the story as I planned. So just consider it a filler, maybe if I get some positive reviews on this chapter I'll keep it on. And Talon, sorry I couldn't have you cause any michief to Kentaro, I had to find a way to introduce Haitani and Shirai into the fray. Don't worry, I'll find something for you to do :)

NEXT TIME: The movie moves on and a new character, Sarah McDougal joins the cast as a fellow traveler. But will they make it out without having Keitaro kill someone?


	4. Whats Worse than Hell? Sarah on the Loos...

Insanity on the Set, Please by NachoManLance

Disclaimer: Alas, Love Hina is not mine. Damnation!

Note: YES! Finally got the Spring Movie special, I barely even had enough energy writing this after watching that and Spaceballs twice. I had a Spaceballs/LH crossover idea afterwords, but I think I'd scare everyone off...oh well, just a thought.

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Chapter Four: Whats Worse than Hell? Sarah on the Loose

"All right," said Keitaro after two days of damage control from Kentaro's very crappy movie era, "We lost a lot of time, so we're gonna work extra hard. Everyone get to their places, we're doing scene three!"

The rest nodded in agreement, and left to do their appropriate tasks for scene three. In that scene, the evil sorcerer Lancelot had captured Princess Naru, and the two hand-maidens Shinobu and Kitsune summoned the head knight of their kingdom, Lord Talon of Hinata. 

With their places set, Keitaro motioned to Haitani and Shirai, "Is everything ready to go?"

"Everything except the camera," said Shirai, "I don't know what this red button does."

Haitani looked at the camera and whacked Shirai hard upside the head, "Thats the recording, idiot."

"All right, do your stuff Su!"

"Scene Three, Take 1, Marker!

"Action!"

Some dramatic backround music had played while Shinobu, Talon and Kitsune ran through tjeir scene.

"What is it you have summoned me for, my fair ladies?" said Talon graciously as he bowed at the two.

"Lord Talon of Hinata," said Shinobu, "We have summoned you before us to save our kingdom."

"Yeah," Kitsune added, "Princess Naru of Hinata has been kidnapped by the evil sorcerer Lancelot and has held her hostage in his fortress beyond the.....the,....."

"CUT!" Keitaro megaphone-ed. "What is it Kitsune? Lost your line?"

"More like her brain,.." Talon muttered under his breath.

"Yeah, I can't seem to remember my next lines."

Keitaro sighed in disbelief. Kentaro must've done a big impact on their morale. He will have to get him back for that.

"All right," he megaphoned to everyone, "Let's all take 5 to practice. And Shinobu, would you mind bringing us some tea?"

"Of course." And with a gentle smile the resident picker-upper left to the kitchen.

***

"Maaannn, there has got to be some food left here.." Lance searched the cupboards in hopes for some decent food.

It wasn't that he hated Shinobu's cooking, in fact he didn't hate anything about her. In another fact (just like everyone else) he had fallen under her expertise spell and never had any wrongs against it. The only problem was, Japan had very little, and I emphasize 'little', Mexican food around, and if any it was terrible. Sometimes, he had been left by himself to experiment the goods around the kitchen to make anything that was even remotely tasted like nachos. It was dark times for the new tenant indeed, and even now he had forgotten how much he loved the taste, smell, and spice he had loved so long ago,.... well, three months to be exact.

"I swear, once Mexico develops a good economy in the next hundred or so years, this place will be stacked with tacos!" Lance cursed under his breath. But then a new voice broke in and startled him.

"Are you looking for something?"

He turned so fast it almost made Shinobu laugh,... almost. Lance met eye contact with her, and suddenly couldn't get out of it. He stared dreamily into those deep blue eyes and pretended as if he were trapped in them, never to leave. He always did this, every time he saw her in school, walking down the stairs, cooking in the kitchen, he never left his eyes off her that even sometimes Talon had to bash his head onto the table or anything nearest to him to snap out of it. But there was no one around this time. 

"I....I...." Lance muttered, not able to finish. With her gentle smile Shinobu asked,

"Looking for some more Mexican?

"I KNEW YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND!!"

***

Back on the stage five minutes later, everyone was movie ready and in heir places. They solved the script problem by adding in a few extra lines to make it easier. At last Keitaro cried the famous Hollywood word,

"Action!"

"What is it you have summoned me for, fair ladies?" Talon did his bow.

"Lord Talon of Hinata," said Shinobu, "We have summoned you to save our kingdom from great peril! Princess Naru was captured by the evil sorcerer Lancelot and has her hostage in his fortress."

"Where is this fortress you speak of?" Talon said in a serious tone.

"Beyond the Forbidden Swamplands of Baka," said Kitsune, "It will not be an easy journey, Lord Talon."

Lord Talon stood and said in a tremendous voice, "No matter! I will do anything to save the Hinata Kingdom and rescue our fair Princess Naru, at any-WAAAHHHH!!!"

The scene was cut short as soon as Sarah McDougal had launched a kick to Talon's shin. Talon, not expecting this attack, let loose a string of curses and swears under his breath. 

"Sarah!" cried Su, "You made it just in time!"

"CUT! Sarah, what are you doing here?" Keitaro was beet red with annoyance.

"Papa dropped me of here for a couple weeks remember?" Sarah laughed and punched Keitaro on the left cheek, "Glad I'm back, dork?"

"Always a pleasure,.." Keitaro said through clenched teeth.

Sarah peered around the set, "Making a movie?"

"Yeah," said Su, "Keitaro here is shooting a video project for class and we're all in it!"

"Ooh, Keitaro can be in it? I have always dreamed for stardom, it's like a dream come true for me!" Sarah took the dreamy expression she always used to get the things she wanted. Unfortunetly, no one could escape.

"Agh, fine then," fessed up Keitaro, "I'll make you the bad guy's hench-woman."

"What, I'm a bad guy?" Sarah pouted.

"The bad guy is Lance."

Sarah changed her mood in an instant. She had always had a crush on Lance ever since her first came to the apartments, and she made it her duty to get close to him at any possible chance.

"Oh really!? I'm in!" She ran over to Lance (who tried to find a new hiding spot) and clung onto him reaalll tight.

"We're gonna be bad guys together, isn't that great Lance?" she said with her dreamy expression.

"I,...that is,..get off me please before I choke!"

After much truggle he managed to pull free from her 'clutches' and ran into Talon.

"Can't get her hands of you can she?" he teased with a smirk.

".....When I find a way, I will personally make sure I will hurt you."

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NEXT TIME: Mutsumi makes her appearance by bringing the ordered props for the movie, and Sarah is still love-stricken for 'Bad Guy' Lance. What more chaos could possibly happen on our unlucky apartment manager?.....


	5. Not Even Close to the Oscars

Insanity On The Set, Please, by NachoManLance

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina or Talon. No offense to you my friend, but if I had a choice I'd pick Love Hina......

Note: I deeply apologize for the long delay! My computer got jacked and I had to get everything re-installed and fixed. It's been an agonizing wait and very frustrating getting all of my stff organized, but I've found some time to write this chapter for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

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Chapter 5: Not Even Close to the Oscars

"Action!"

Moving their set to a small thicket of trees near the back of the Hinata Apartments, Keitaro and his crew Haitani and Shirai shot the next big scene: Talon's journey to the evil fortress. Appearing from behind a hill, Lord Talon, with his hand near the hilt of his sheathed sword and looking very high and mighty of himself, made his way through the trees and bushs until stopping some five meters from the camera.

"The road is long and thy feet are sore," he recited, "If only an inn were nearby so I may rest."

Before Su could make her first movie appearance, a large semi truck swerved in so suddenly that no one could move. With its air horn blaring it skidded across the small set until it stopped some inches from the camera lens, with a wide-eyed Shirai behind it.

The door opened and out popped Seta, "Hey Keitaro! We came here with your movie props like you asked!"

Mutsumi hopped out from the passanger side and smiled her gentle smile, "I hired Professor Seta to help us bring in the props, that way we'd get here early!"

Everyone but them fell down in classic anime style.

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As everyone helped unloading the many boxes of props from the truck, Mutsumi had taken a break and sat by a nearby rock underneath a tree. The cool shade and wind cooled her down and helped her relax. 

"Oh no! Mutsumi, you hadn't fainted, have you?"

Mutsumi turned and saw Shinobu carrying a medium sized box in her arms, sighing in relief knowing she was okay.

"I'm fine Shinobu," said Mutsumi, "How about you come sit with me? The shade is quite nice."

"Thanks, I will." Shinobu dropped the box near her feet as she sat next to Mutsumi, relaxing herself.

After a few moments Mutsumi grew curious and searched the box for any interesting props she could play around with.

She took out two foot-long wooden sticks, resembling wands, and handed one to Shinobu.

"What do you think these are? Ara,..."

Shinobu inspected the wooden stick and let out a yelp of surprise, "These look just like those wands I've read in my Harry Potter books, Mutsumi!"

"Ara ara, they do!" Mutsumi playfully waved the wand around and said, "Stupefy!"

Suddenly a red flash erupted from the tip of the wand and the stun charm soared just mili-meters from Shinobu's head. They both pushed themselves back and gave each other blank stares from each other to their wands.

"Imperio!" Shinobu inchanted, forcing Mutsumi to flip in midair and do cartwheels all over the grass floor. Everyone who was lifting boxes dropped them and stared at the two wand-bearers.

At last Mutsumi snapped out of it and cheerfully pointed her wand at Shinobu and cried, "Impedimenta!"

Again and again they sent spells, curses, jinxes, anything they could think about from the books to each other, each comming with a comeback or a Sheild Charm. The onlookers grew bored and began working again, lifting boxes and setting up props.

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That night they set up everything needed for the movie, but because of the lateness of the day they couldn't film until tomorrow morning. They retired to the kitchen, where Shinobu cooked a great meal for everyone, and got ready for their baths. The girl left for their outdorr hot springs, while all the guys took seperate barrels and relaxed in the warm waters.

"Man, Shinobu never stops making delicious food," Talon commented, "I don't think Emeril can even 'Bam' his food better than she does." Him and Lance laughed, while the other guys gave them puzzled looks.

"He's an American cook," said Lance, noticing their faces, "Very famous...."

Still they didn't looked convinced.

"Nevermind,..."

"Hey, what scenes do we have to do next Keitaro?" Haitani asked.

Keitaro looked at Seta, "Well since HE brought a lot more props than asked for, we'll have to start over from Talon's first line in scene six."

"What did you want me to do, honk?" Seta nearly yelled.

At unison, everyone shouted at him, "EXACTLY!!"

"Would you guys be quiet up there?!" Naru shouted from below.

"Up yours, psyco bitch!" Haitani jeered back.

In a second her fist had extended squarely on his jaw and sent him soaring many miles upward, the guys sweatdropping at the sight.

"Hey Keitaro,.." Lance called, "How did..?"

"Don't ask, for God's sake don't ask...."

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Some Harry Potter stuff wouldn't kill this story, would it? Too late to ask, it's already posted,....damn. Oh well, this time I promise to update more frequently so I won't have to leave you all hanging for more. The last thing I want is a raging mob at my door with torches and pitchforks. Wait a second, maybe I do.......nah.

NEXT TIME: Lord Talon faces his first task on his quest: Babysitting Sarah. Will he be able to pull it off alive?........HA!


	6. The Evil Fortress,and Sarah

Insanity on the Set, Please by NachoManLance

Disclaimer: Curses, Love Hina isn't mine. Does anyone know Akamatsu's fax number?

Note: It's been hard for me to write, since I heard the news that Bob Hope died. But fortunetly I managed to scrape off a sort of out-of-plot chapter. Pretty much random, but then again how could stories be good without a bit of randomness? You see my point, right? You don't? THEN GET OUTTA HERE!!.....*clears throat* Anyway, here's a nice chapter that starts with the film, and ends with disaster. Enjoy!

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Chapter 6: The Evil Fortress..and Sarah

Lord Talon stood in front of the evil fortress (in truth the Hinata), with thunder and flashes of lightning surrounding him. The sky was eerily dark and Talon could sense evil clinging to the dead air. He un-sheathed his word and sounded his battle cry (sounding distinctly like how an elephant reacts to a mouse) and charged up the steps of the Evil Lancelot Fortress. He crashed thorugh the two large doors and stopped to find the main room empty and suspiciously quiet. The floors beneath him creaked with every alerted step he took. He sniffed the air, and to his surprise caught a familiar scent.

Bananas.

He quickly moved toward the large stairway and began to run up the stairs. But he was caught by surprise when a small figure slid down the railing, smashed into Talon, and sent him tumbling down the stairs and painfully landing on the floor.

Slowly Talon rose to his knees before yelling, "CUT!!!"

The lights turned on, the camera stopped rolling, and Keitaro grew annoyed.

"What do you mean cut? That was a perfect scene!"

Talon rubbed the backside of his head, "I demand a stunt double! At least you can live with Su's attacks, even with my powers it's hard for me to avoid them!"

"Oh, what are you crying about?" Su said with her same goofy smile, "I don't even hit Keitaro that hard!" With a nod she bounded of toward he kitchen, where she knew Lance would be. And wherever Lance was, Sarah was right behind him.

"In any case we can't have it happen," said Keitaro, "Su would leave from the ilm, and you know Sarah would leave too, even though she's still very fixated on Lance."

Talon cursed under his breath, "I'll have to find a way to stop it, then..."

"FOR GOD'S SAKE PLEASE DO!!!"

Lance screamed in horror as he bolted across the room and up the stairs, being closely followed by Sarah with hearts in her eyes.

"Wait Lance! I want to be barricaded in your room with you!!"

After a few seconds of blank looks and silence, Talon sprouted a smirk, "Well, since I have his permission..."

***

He was almost out of breath as he turned the corner and bolted across the hall. Sarah was gaining on him, and she showed no sign of slowing down. Su was right after her, thinking of this chase as a fun one. But we all knew that,...right?

"Wait Sarah! I'll use my Mecha Tama Mark 5 to fish him out!" Su took out a joystick and pressed a large red button. From beneath Lance's running feet, the floor cracked and fell beneath him and he fell hard on his butt on the hot springs rocks below him. Swirly eyed he couldn't make out a floating, shadowy figure hovering above him. But when he came to, he gasped and screamed in utter horror.

"WAAAAHHHHHH, MECHA TAMAAAA!!!!!!"

The medium-sized turtle machine gaped open it's mouth and shot out a huge fireball toward him. Lance barely dodged it, and ran for his miserable life in circles around the hot springs area. Su laughed quite evily and continued controlling the turtle from hell to torment the poor young American. 

"SU! STOP THIS CRAZY THING!!!" Lance pleaded, dodging another fire blast. 

Su just kept laughing and sending more fire blasts at Lance. He ran for cover inside the Hinata again, this time noticing a door wide open with no light inside. Thinking it as a perfect hiding spot, Lance went inside and locked the door behind him. He tried to make out the contents of the room, but it was too dark to tell.

"Hmm, I don't think I've ever been in this room before." he said to himself in wonder. He tried feeling his way around the room, holding out his arm to see what object his hand could make out first. The first thing he touched was a light switch. Reluctantly he flipped it on, and gasped in horror and shock.

"Oh my god....how did I get in here?!?!?!"

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Talon searched Lance's room to see if he barricaded himself in there from Sarah, but he found the place empty. Slightly surprised, he wondered where he could be. Just then he heard a scream from across the Hinata as if it came from right next to him.

"WAAAAHHHHHH, MECHA TAMAAAA!!!!!!"

"Oh no, Su's at it again." Talon clenched his teeth and hoped Lance was still alive. He ran down the long halls and finally stopped at a balcony above the hot springs area. He looked down from where the cry came from, but only found Su on top of her Mecha Tama 5 zooming above the steaming waters. 

"Apparently she's looking for Lance, too." Talon thought aloud. He ran downstairs and opened the door to the womens hot springs, but saw that Su and Mecha Tama 5 was gone. He sighed and hung his head. "Where could he be?" Just then his answer screamed into his cringing ear.

"NOOO! SOMEONE HELP MEEE!!!"

Talon perked his ears up and sensed the trace of the scream comming from....."Oh my god....Lance!" Talon ran back into the Hinata and down a few doors until he smashed himself through one and gasped.

It was Sarah's room, and Lance was trapped in her arms with the site of a nightmare on his face. The room was filled with old posters of American boy bands like N' Sync and Backstreet Boys that made Talon cringe. Lance tried his best to pry Sarah off of him and looked pitifully at Talon.

"You gotta help me dude," he pleaded, "I can't get her off of me!!"

Talon nodded and took hold of Sarah from behind, and with all his might he managed to seperate the two, all of them crashing to the floor. After a few minutes of swirly eyes and groans of pain, Talon grabbed Lance's arm and together they escaped the accursed room of the Sarah.

"You know," said Lance as they ran for safety, "I'm shocked Keitaro never made her room an evil fortress like it really is."

"I'm shocked too, Lance.....I'm shocked too."

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Don't whine and cry to me about not having and plot points on this chapter now, it started with a little bit of film but, naturally, came to a "smashing" end, heh heh....

Anyway, I just found a way to clear up the Sarah/Lance thing and I stuck with it. If you thought Kentaro was horrible enough......stay tuned for the next installment!

NEXT TIME: The final scenes are being shot and the tenants can't wait until they finish! Will Keitaro win the assignment over and be able to have a better shot of getting into Tokyo U? We all find out,...after we eat Shinobu's dinner!


	7. And The Award Goes To

Insanity on the Set, Please by NachoManLance

Disclaimer: Love Hina nor Andrew Joshua Talon are mine to keep. Andrew Joshua....I wonder if they ever called you A.J? Heh heh, just kidding

Note: Much has been happening thats been distracting this fic. So I decided to cut a few scenes to make it shorter and easier to understand. This is the last *official* chapter of the fic, although there will be a chapter after words that is basically how the fic would be if it was Keitaro's movie. It should get interesting. Enjoy!

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Chapter 7: And The Award Goes To.......

"Alright everybody," said Keitaro to the whole cast before him, "This is the final scene, the major fight between Talon and Lance, good and evil, weretiger and Mexican boy."

"I am NOT, I repeat, NOT Mexican!" Lance pointed out, "Although I wouldn't complain if I were."

"Anyway," continued Keitaro, rolling his eyes, "This is the grand finale of the movie, and I want to take this time right now to thank each and every one of you for doing your part to help me with this project."

The group 'awed' and each mumbled something about just doing their job.

"Also, the movie must be turned in by tomorrow so we have to nail this scene right! Got it Talon and Lance?"

"You betcha!" both gave him a thumbs-up.

"And Naru," pleaded Keitaro, "PLEASE don't hurt anyone on the set."

Naru hesitated for a moment before finally nodding her head.

"Alright then," said Keitaro, "Let's do this!"

***

Lord Talon crashed through the tower doors to find Sorcerer Lancelot bent over a tied up Princess Naru in the back of the dark room. Lancelot looked up to see Lord Talon pointing his sword toward him, and chuckled.

"So, you have defeated both my followers Rogue Sarah and Motoko Warrior. Let me be the first to congratulate you for coming this far." he said with an evil smirk on his face.

"You will surrender the Princess to me evil sorcerer, before I have to by force!" Lord Talon demanded, pointing his sword at his neck in a threatening way.

"Is that so?" Lancelot reached his hand behind him and took out a grand, evil sword glowing dark blue. "Since you've drained my magical powers I will have to kill you with my sword!"

And so the grand battle began. Clash after clash, Talon and Lancelot fought like tigers in the room, skipping over furniture and tumbling on the ground like professional knights. Princess Naru watched in shock as the two fighters gave it their all. After a few moments of intense fighting Lancelot knocked Talon's sword out of his hands and held his right over his heart.

"You are a brave fighter Lord Talon," said Lancelot, "But you are nothing like your father once was."

"What are you talking about," Lord Talon gasped, "You killed him!"

"No Talon," said Lance, "I am your father!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

***

*Two weeks later.....*

"It's here!!!"

Keitaro ran into the Hinata holding a large envelope that held his grade for the assignment. In mere seconds everyone in the apartments, including Seta, Haitani and Shirai, and even Kentaro had shown up before him to find out what the grade was.

"What is it, man?" Haitani asked, pointing at the envelope.

"It's my grade for the movie project! I haven't opened it yet so that we could all see." Keitaro carefully untied the knot and emptied the contents of the envelope. A grade paper, the original video and a letter from the school board fell out at once. Keitaro picked up the grade paper and read aloud the grade.

"A+!!!! I GOT AN A+ THIS IS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Everyone in the Hinata boomed with excitement and cheer. 

"Congratulations, Keitaro!" Shinobu clasped her hands over her mouth in surprise.

"Well done, Keitaro." Motoko said in her same serious tone, although she had a hard time holding back her happiness.

"We did it! We did it!" Haitani and Shirai chanted.

"Not bad Keitaro, knew you had it in ya!" Kitsune patted him on the shouldar.

"This calls for a celebration! Cheers Keitaro!" Talon announced.

"I'm gonna get the food ready!" Shinobu ran toward the kitchen, "Lance, wanna help me with the nachos?"

"Sweet Mericful Heavens do I!!!!!!!!!" Lance ran heart-stricken after Shinobu when he got caught by the ankles by Sarah.

"No Lance! Wait for me I wanna help too!"

"Don't forget the watermelons!" Mutsumi reminded them.

Su laughed and jumped around the room joyously as Naru tried to pry her down from the ceiling. Meanwhile Seta walked over to Keitaro and nudged him in the chest.

"Congratulations Keitaro, I'll have to recommend you to the Tokyo U board for this."

"You would really do that for me Seta?" Keitaro had tears in his eyes.

Seta chuckled, "Hell no! The board doesn't listen to a damn thing I say these days!"

The room grew silent as they stared at Seta in rage.

He chuckled again and scratched the back of his head, "Did I tell you that was a joke?"

Still more silence.

"I'll go now..."

Talon picked up the video and smiled, "Hey everybody, they mailed back the video for us to watch, let's go see our award winning performance!"

Everyone cheered in approval and ran for the living room. Keitaro popped in the video and watched as the movie came to life on their T.V screen.....

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Thank you everyone who has so far sent me positive reviews and, even to those who sent me flames! This isn't the last chapter, so stay tuned for the movie!

NEXT TIME: Watch as Lord Talon makes his journey to rescue Princess Naru from the evil clutches of the sorcerer Lancelot. LAST CHAPTER NEXT!!!!!!


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